I hate to admit it, but I never really saw my natural hair during wash days growing up. By three years old, I had a relaxer and was committed to Sunday hot comb rituals, in which my grandma warmed the sizzling tool on the stovetop to press out my roots. In middle school, extensions – haphazardly glued to my scalp—become my staple look to blend in with my predominantly white competitive cheer team. When I got to high school, lace front wigs were plastered across the front of my hairline twice a month, so I could always have the latest hairstyles.

When I was growing up in the South in a family of cosmetologists, weaves felt like a rite of passage. There was a pervasive internalized belief that Black natural hair was unmanageable, had no versatility, and couldn’t exist without being incessantly straightened. With every after-hours hair appointment in my family’s living room and 5 a.m. maintenance routine before school, I wrestled with the concept that my natural hair was unworthy.

When I got to college three years ago, I experienced the reckoning many Black women face with their natural hair: the infamous big chop. In my boyfriend’s college apartment, we took a pair of clippers and buzzed my hair down to a close-cropped cut. My neglected strands and years of exhausting insecurities fell in piles across the floor.

Since then, my natural hair journey has come with its share of mental roadblocks. I rejected intimidating consumerism, which suggests that natural hair requires shelves of products. I realized how I’ve used protective styles to conceal rather than to protect, and had to shake my belief that my short 4C hair is the “ugly stage” of achieving a sky-scraping ’fro. Wash days at the kitchen sink, often with my boyfriend’s reassuring assistance, have become a revolutionary act of self-love and a reminder that I can vault every challenge in this new phase of my life.

Below, the tried-and-true products that have helped me along the winding journey of loving my hair in its natural state.

I have low porosity hair, and learned that saturation and absorption of moisture is difficult along my hair shafts, which was paramount to understanding my wash day routine. The cleansing properties of most shampoos were often too harsh and left my hair feeling dry, even after deep conditioning. Atop my stove, I melt an eyeballed mixture of shea butter and aloe vera gel fresh from my household plant. I apply the warm mixture to my hair and detangle it from tip to root with a Pattern Beauty wide-tooth comb. Overnight, the concoction lathers my strands to revitalize my natural oils and creates the perfect barrier to maintain luster and sheen for the next day’s wash.

Organic Cold Pressed Aloe Vera Gel

Oslove Organics Organic Unrefined Shea Butter

I quickly discovered during shampoo sessions that I am, indeed, what my mother would call tender-headed. Years of unaddressed split ends means my coils have been weakened and are susceptible to tangling into knots. This is where positive affirmations come in, since my knots trigger old emotions that make me feel that my hair is unnecessarily demanding. I’m often reminded of the Southern saying “You wash clothes; you shampoo hair.” In essence, it means that hair is complex and requires its own method of care.

While shampooing, I detangle again with a wide-tooth comb to tend to all the spots I might’ve missed the night before. I always opt for repeating this step twice with Shea Moisture’s Coconut & Hibiscus Shampoo; if product buildup persists, I go in with some heavy-duty backup. Auntie Jackie’s Clarifying Shampoo is packed with aloe and apple cider vinegar; it adds in essential moisture while removing any leftover impurities.

Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl & Shine Shampoo

Aunt Jackie's Grapeseed Style and Shine Intense Moisture Clarifying Hair Shampoo

If I don’t do this step, I’ll be setting myself up to intensively moisturize my hair every day for weeks to come. The hydration of a deep conditioning is the sustenance my hair thrives on. I apply Creme of Nature’s Argan Oil Intensive Conditioning Treatment, massaging it into the root first.

I’ll place plastic wrap or spare plastic bags on my head as a hair covering, which creates heat that acts as a catalyst for the active ingredients in my products. I allow the product to work in its hydration for 30 minutes and then sit underneath my overhead dryer for 10 minutes to lock in the moisture.

Creme of Nature Argan Oil Intensive Conditioning Treatment

Gold N Hot Professional 1200-Watt Hair Dryer

Natural hair YouTube videos, blogs, and forums have all created their own lists of mainstay hair-care lines, along with ones that have become forbidden over the years. It’s important to remember that what works for others may differ from what works for you. I love Shea Moisture’s Leave-In Conditioner as the first step of my LOC (leave-in product, oil, and cream) method. Paired with jojoba oil and Aunt Jackie’s Curl La La Defining Curl Custard Cream, my hair is left feeling silky and fully rejuvenated from weeks of product application.

Shea Moisture Strength & Refine Leave-In Conditioner

Aunt Jackie’s Curl La La Defining Curl Custard Cream

I have yet to master the art of the wash-and-go. Finger coils—although they require a three-hour process for my coarser short hair—are my styling safe haven. I start by parting my slightly damp hair into 10 to 14 sections, then apply a dime-size dollop of Aunt Jackie’s Flaxseed Elongated Curl Gel to each part and begin finger-twisting my hair away. Unlike other gels I’ve tried, this product leaves no flakes and is the perfect finale for my routine.

As for my trusted overnight protection, everything pales in comparison to the power of a silk-lined bonnet for the night. In the morning, my hair is frizz-free and all my products are still at work.

Aunt Jackie’s Flaxseed Elongated Curl Gel

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